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November 2008 
SOULMATES OR MISMATCH?? LOVING WITH PURPOSE.
Posted on Jun 28th, 2008
by 
yaffie
yaffie
With all of the conversation here about soul mates, I just really had to write this...because I think if we really knew what the accurate definition of a soulmate was, more of us would have married ours and made a life with that ONE that has our name and face written on his/her soul and consciousness. We would not see people go from relationship to relationship and from heartbreak to heartbreak, one crash after another, bed to bed, woman to man, in and out of each others lives. That is sad and self defeating to say the least. Its heartbreaking to give, to trust, and to build with someone that isn't yours or that is 'yours' temporarily, that isn't yours.
But today, the values and the mores of the generation are loose and free to say the least. Women think that its on the outside that counts and exploit themselves with little clothing, and no real self esteem. The message is: here i am, i am available, but that is not a good message, that is a message for people to invite use and abuse. We are worth much more than that!! Young men and women go from one bad relationship to the next as well as adults who don't know what the criteria are for choosing and picking that person who you will give your heart to..On this blog, I want to add light and intention to all of you who are searching and seeking that ONE love that you will spend the rest of your lives with, that you can build bridges of trust with, that you can open your heart to and let one trustworthy person in ...and so I have given you some guidelines, I can give more if need be...there is always room for jello and always room to grow so that we place borders around ourselves for those people who will hurt us and take away the borders to those that really love us according to the highest principles and attributes of love; that one person who wants us for who we are and who is willing to love us, to commit to us, to build a life together, to live and grow with us for the duration. That my friends is the only person in the world worth sharing yourself with.
Here goes: please take these teachings to heart, they really will honor you if you honor them; if you honor yourself, cause they are for your good. And who knows, maybe you really will receive what you are looking for if you make yourself that vessel that will not compromise until its with that ONE person you will build your life with. To that ONE, you will give all.
In Jewish Tradition it is said at conception there is a declaration - a loud voice from the heavens that says, "Michael will be the husband of so and so, " or Sara is meant for so and so....and it is said that finding your soul mate is more difficult than the splitting of the red sea..."
Soulmates are those people who come into our lives that are cut from the same fabric as we are. For example... linen, cotton, silk..rayon, all distinct, unadulterated...not mixed up. Each are a designation unto themselves; each but from a roll of the same fabric and that is why it is difficult to find your soulmate -- because there are zillions of pieces of fabric out there that are not the same, not cut from the same fabric and therefore, are disharmious...do not go together, they would not be soul mates because they don't share the same qualities - and not sharing the same or similar thread; colors, textures, attributes or qualities and therefore tho they might feel nice and be similiar they are not compatible for the long run or the highest potential.
Our merits, our integrity, our values and our accomplishments, our attributes and victories, our experiences mediate between whether or not we have arrived in potential to meet our true soul mate, because you must meet on the same levels... a true soul mate is one who shares the same merits and qualities, strengths....so a theif would not be the soul mate of someone honest for instance....you might be together, but unless you are of the same fabric, you are not soulmates...you are a mismatch..Soul doesn't lie, there are no lies that emanate from the soul, no deceptions, we can decieve ourselves but the soul will tell and manifest only the truth; so if we are for instance with an adulterer, there is something in us that is adulterous. Soul is the level of purity.
One meets his/her soul mate when they have worked to a certain level, and they can come together when they have that equality and are in a position to accept one another and earn one anothers respect. This can only happen tho if they are both looking for the right things. So, it is not about the outer appearances, it is about the inner being and essence, who you both are and what you stand for at the very core...on the level of soul.
For instance when I met my late husband, may his soul rest in peace, I was not used to his kind of looks and under normal conditions I would not have picked a man who looked like him. But we never saw one another before we spoke on the phone, we were set up by a mutual friend. We spoke on the phone and developed our relationship before we met. I was very conscious of his beautiful 'middot'...his characteristics and his attributes, his maturity, wisdom, speech, his essence; all of his words and his beautiful thoughts, actions, deeds, his sweetness; intents and desires to live a pure and Godly life. His desire was only to choose a woman like himself, with the same values and attitudes, desires, likes and commitment. And I wanted that kind of man...
Since I loved 'who he was' internally -- and I was conscious of who he was and what he stood for -- I knew that if I were attracted to him when we met, that I would marry him and he knew the same...we had already established that in our conversations, no games, no lets meet and sleep together and see if we like each other mentality...we were honest to the max about what we wanted from one another and our desires were to marry that ONE person who was for us. However, I almost didn't marry him because my 'pictures' ie image, ego, my material self wanted him to look on the outside differently, He didn't fit 'my pictures" of what i wanted him to actually be; a bit more sophistcated, lol, more dapper, silly things that can be corrected..
I asked a friend to meet him who i respected and who was older than I, to seek an opinion and i followed his great advice....I loved 'his soul, his essence, who he was, but it wasn't until after I married him that I fell in love with him. Because when you meet one another on the level of SOUL, there is nothing else that competes, soul is where we live or unfortunately, don't live.....After our first year of marriage and living together did I really KNOW him, after we built bridges of trust and gave to each other....because to love is to give...and the more we give the more we love. When someone doesn't give to you, they are not loving you...(take a look at my "Spoiled Madonna.) And ultimately, man is the dominant giver, he is the giver and we are the vessel that receives, and of course we respond...but we are not the ultimate giver, if a man loves you his gives his all, even down to his seed...think about that one, you carry his baby, you cannot produce it, you are simply the vessel...if a man doesn't give, he doesn't love you..Giving is a male dominant attribute, it is one of the ten powers or attributes by which God rules the world and man is likened to God in this respect, God is THE dominant Giver..Receiving is designated as a feminine attribute. Surprised??? I certainly was...we are the vessel he hast poured himself into, actually we are in GOD, because GOD is bigger than us...We are a spark of God......we learn these things from Jewish mysticism, the Kabbalah..
People meet when they each have earned the level of the other...so that they are on the same level and have the same kinds of attributes, therefore they are able to go "UP" together, they elevate and add to one another, they 'fix' one another...so, his strengths might be my weakness, and my stength his weakness, we are opposite, and in hebrew it is said about Eve that she is opposite him, ie...she opposes him... she fixes him and we came to fix and balance one another, I grow from and into his strength and vice versa. We are opposite but have the same power and dynamic...and we complete one another.
The people who are in our lives at any given moment are people who have been with us in previous lives and we need to 'fix' something between us, to remedy something that is flawed....that is why we are here, to perfect our character and flaws..
Based on this criteria I would be interested to know how many here feel that they have been fortunate enough and very fortunate indeed to have found and married their soulmates and how many now will know what to look for in their choices?? Please, come forth!! Let's hear!~
Also, read my poetry, "Passion" and Answer Me, Love," on this topic..
Access: PublicTagged with: love, relationships, religion, soul mates, God, Giving, loving, balance, empowerment, elevations..
Greetings Yaffie! I have seen your beautiful face on some friends blogs, so thought I would investigate what you had to say…and found it most inspiring!
I have been married (4) times…i know….this is excessive. Each time I believe in hindsight there was a karmic clearing in the relationship that needed mending. My dear love Keith, who I have been with now for 8 years is my soul mate. We met quite unexpectedly in a writers forum. I think the pattern of my life was meant to connect via online and have explained this in a recent blog. It all started with meeting the love of my life here in virtual reality!
Thanks for posting this..it was timely.
Blessings!!!
Aley
Well thank you Aley and Hello to you too!! I read your profile and saw you and your darling soulmate!! God blessed you!! I also saw that you use the socratic method in your teaching…I thought you might like this: I found it most fascinating while i had the pleasure of working on it…I had the privilege to tutor a college student who doesn't speak fluent english and so she would simply tell me her ideas and I translated them, wrote them in english..I beleive her to be brilliant and I am going to share this work with you! I think you will love it! She was validictorian and had honors while raising two children alone in a one bedroom apartment! I give her so much credit and am so proud of her work and now hopefully she will work on her masters, I think she has a lot to contribute to the world of philosophy, religion and psychology. We have all the greats covered in her course work from universite!!
Socrates contributions to ancient Greek Philosophy motivated me to seek out the truths of the great masters of philosophical thought. His primary belief was that if one reaches higher levels of knowledge and understanding that an individual will then have the tools available to achieve happiness because he says: that with knowledge we are able to attain the essence of a thing. Conversely, without knowledge one cannot reach virtue. Knowledge is light, ignorance is darkness. Therefore, knowledge creates higher levels of understanding, wisdom, and competence, in contrast to ignorance which creates confusion, blindness, mediocrity and incompetence.
This is partial truth because education and knowledge generates an ability to manipulate life and govern behavior more effectively, to rationalize emotions and desires, thus creating awareness of the internal and external worlds. Satisfaction is derived from a highly spiritual life, which also includes knowledge and wisdom. It appears that he repressed emotion only to serve reason. Also, he adds, that a life unexamined is not worth living. I agree with this concept as a life without self examination is close to superficial and mediocre. He also said, “Know yourself.”
This means that we must examine and delve into our inner motives, emotions, beliefs, purposes, goals, mores and values. Knowledge, truth, beauty and virtue create clarity and illumination. Integrity of soul is the highest aspiration one can seek and this loftiest of all goals is worthy of highest merit. These are the attributes that when achieved are permanent and last throughout eternity. An individual who develops his potential to reason will deeper higher levels of satisfaction. Knowledge expands comprehension. Comprehension will lead to virtue and good life, whereas, mistakes are caused by lack of information, discipline or ignorance.
I agree with Socrates in that knowledge serves to manipulate the external and internal worlds. Education develops and shapes healthy, spiritually sound individuals to attain character traits which will foster resistance against obstacles, temptation, challenges and tests that are always prevalent in ones growth process. However, I am more convinced by Arthur Schopenhauer's thought that a human being is always dissatisfied because life brings with it situations that are neither satisfying nor joyous and that also include suffering, yet virtue is its own reward. To continue with Schopenhauer thought: “to increase knowledge is also to increase distress.” Why? When we start to achieve knowledge and start to know ourselves more intimately, we become aware that our motives and thinking are flawed, imperfect, oftentimes betray us. In juxtaposition to Socrates, Schopenhauer believed that humans are governed more by irrational desires than by reason. We cannot reach happiness as it a momentary pleasure that is experienced when a need is satisfied. As soon one need is satisfied one experiences boredom and the introduction of another need surfaces. Thus, to be aware is to suffer and this is well said in the book of Ecclesiastes:
“In much wisdom is much grief, and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow.”
To summarize, although I do not agree in total with Socrates definition of happiness and satisfaction, I do consider him to be a heroic model of righteousness, integrity and profound conviction; a paradigm of valor, courage, virtue, wisdom, dignity and humility and I value his contributions to life as one of the worlds most brilliant thinkers and wisest of philosophers to add to the world of thought and truth.
I am wondering if this should be a blog…..hmmmmm…..let me know what you think about it.
This is so beautifully expressed by your student. I also have my students read Kants “what is enlightenment” so they can realzie more than anything, we must think for ourselves, which continues socrates idea of knowing the self…
I think a blog would be in order here!
and I think we should be friends? What say you?
Best,
Aley
ABSOULEMENT!! Where do you teach?? I tutored this woman for two years and translated all of her ideas..on many philophers, the latest being, Proof of God..
I am sorry I did not continue to become a professor…that is a meritorious profession when one can use it to teach with integrity, dignity and truth; not using it for one's own agenda, which i am afraid is happening far too often in this generation…and since college students are immpressionable and inexperienced, naive, it is to the detriment of society all too often..
what say you??
I teach online for Salem State College, in MA. I was an inclass adjunct there since 2003 and moved to Seattle in Nov. They allowed me to continue teaching online for them, and I am blessed to do so. i only got my masters in 1999. I know spirit had me wait til I was older to start teaching as I burn out on things easily…but this is my calling…i love it!
I work hard to hepl students think for themselves, which is something they are not apt to do as they are conditioned by the public schools to learn information and regurgitate it on tests…bleah!
Most of the time there is resistance to thinking for themselves…and it takes ahwile…but I am finding they are more comfortable in an online setting discussing these ideas, as they do not have to say it face to face…there is some safery in that for them…and if that works..then it is a good thing…
tutoring is a wonderful thing to do….and gives those who are learning a new language a place to work on their voice in safety!
Yes, right you are. the whole idea for me is to teach one critical thinking…how to ask the questions and not take things for granted…i hate the idea of being spoon fed, yuk~ as you say, regurgitating. I never did that, it is such a pathetic and small game…i was always the rebel who had to find my own new kernel of truth or test an idea that i had that no one else said, and that is what gave me the courage to write..after i found that my ideas indeed were meritorious..
my insecuity was changed to strength..but it isn't until you are willing to step forth and be willing to get shot down that you can make the leap from one world to another…
This is a generation that copies, plagarizes, and doesn't know how to think or work for that outcome….it is rare indeed to find such students..and they are a total blessing..
I wonder tho with students online, how much help they get from friends, parents, books, online plagarizations, work that is other than their own? what do you think??
Hi dear Yaffa,
Thank you for your beautiful blog on this subject.
I don't think or feel that my relationships with others than my soulmate were mismatches.
I repeat your own words: The people who are in our lives at any given moment are people who have been with us in previous lives and we need to 'fix' something between us, to remedy something that is flawed….that is why we are here, to perfect our character and flaws..
All my relationships were important as learning and healing steps. I had to go through a lot of ego desire and pain to find the path to my soul. I feel gratitude for meeting these women: beautiful souls struggling like me with the seducing ego. Entering into relations with some of them resembled stupidity, but looking back I have no regrets at all. I would not be the person who I am today without them.
I want to quote Rav Berg here:
Soul mates are but two halves - male and female - of what began as a single soul in the Upper World, then divided by the hand of the Creator [ the Shattering of the Soul ] in preparation for the long trek through our physical world. Only when spiritual growth is accomplished and karmic debts are discharged can they come together on this plane. However, no marriage is a mistake. We must earn our other half by resiting our sefish desires. Marriage to someone other than our soul mate gives us the ability to resist reactive behavior and thus merit the other half of our soul.
Kind regards, Han
Hey Han!! Thank you, nice to hear from you buddy!! One thing you have to know about me, I never mince words, so here they are.
I never meant to imply or indicate that other relationships weren't valuable. I was referring to mating as is done today, indescriminately, free love; we 'mate' with many, or at least, much of the world does, and these matings are not all soulmates…
my whole point was, that they are temporary and while temporary might be good for you, temporary is not what the optimum is for those looking for love in all of the wrong places…ie, those hopping in and out of relationships when what most people want is not broken relationships one after another, that hurts buddy, relationships that 'didn't work out;' the painful giving and falsely beleiving that there is a potential mate for the duration but instead one may find out that they were only at best, 'playing at love'… not really loving at all and that was truly a deception either on one or both parts..
Only if we are honest with ourselves will we admit that we were simply using one another, serving temporary needs and desires, perhaps to fill our loneliness, or to feed the raging hormones..this would take a big person, and i wrote this for those who want to be learn and to correct those mistakes to have what they want.
Not broken relationships…but smartly and wisely, slowly and with knowledge, picking out a mate to marry. To build a life with, rather than a temporary 'partner' and end with a broken heart…and you cannot tell me there is no broken heart at the end hans, unless one is simply an animal…and is simply feeding his own baser desires, in which case that further validates my point, using one another for sex is so demeaning.
“Only when spiritual growth is accomplished and karmic debts are discharged can they come together on this plane.” I did say that, see above…I clearly stated that when two people have reached one anothers levels..
As for berg, i have no respect for him whatsover, because he simply is exploiting the beautiful kabbalah and i am sure the fathers and rabbi shimon bar yochai are screaming in the shamayim over his selfishn desires to build his dynasty at the expense of the naive. How can you teach kabbalah to someone who doesn't even understand or subscribe to the torah???
sorry, buddy…dont' get me started on berg…he has simply found a way out of judaism to promote his filthy agenda…which is the prostitution of the holiness of the torah and the kabbalah for his own gain…its all about the money…and everyone who is insightful knows it..people say it to me all the time…he wants my m o n e y …not integrity, money, not holiness or purity, he wants money and power and to promote his own agenda…it sickens me….
hope he isn't getting yours, hans..
Hi Yaffie,
Your blog on this subject is quite interesting. I enjoyed your insight and openness about your view on this subject.
And I also agree that today's generation is sadly lacking in the morals that were once so prominant in earlier generations. However, not everyone of today's generation is so loose in their values. This goes for me and some friends that I know and have become close to.
All hope is not lost in that area.
As for those people of my generation who tend to float in and out of relationships, I happen to know one of those people personally. She is a friend of mine. I have noticed how she seems to always get the short end of the stick when it comes to this sort of thing. After observing this tendency of hers for some years now, it has become plain that she has what Shakespeare would call a “tragic flaw”. Whenever she enters into a relationship, she tends to put all of herself into the relationship. By this I mean she becomes absorbed in the other person to the point where she cannot see herself living life without him. I suppose this could be a good trait were she to apply it later on in her life with her soul mate, but she cannot seem to help herself. She also seems to focus on the boyfriend's good points and blocks out the bad ones as if they do not exist. I've heard that seeing the good in other's can be a very good thing, but ignoring the bad traits does not get a person very far either.
She has come to me for advice when she's finally read to recieve some. I help her as best I can and try to steer her in the best possible direction so that she will be kept from disaster and heartbreak. She experience's heartbreak anyway most times, for she wants so bad for each relationship to be “the one” and for it to work out. She's gotten somewhat better over the years, but it's a working progress. I love the dear, even though we are almost polar opposites. There has been plenty of stress in her family life as well, not to mention the fact she lives in a small town.
My point is this, although many people of this generation are not as conservative as they should be, not all of us fit into that mold. My friend, unfortunately, does fit that mold, but things are not helped when the media is sending out frequent messages that this type of behavior is “okay”.
Eventually, in my hopes, more people of my generation will realize the self-destructive path they are on. As with most things, this awareness will happen gradually. We can all contribute to helping these others. Maybe not all at once, but even just one person at a time.
My friend Rachel,
You are the minority! Kol HA Kavod!! All my respect goes to you!! Unfortunately, we are looser and more self destrucive than ever before….everything flies now, there are no barriers, no faux' pas, nothing is shameful, nothing is sacred, and in truth, to the majority of the common everyday folks, they is NOthing SACRED..and that is what we are becoming…common…….MUNDANE, ORDINARY…RATHER THAN EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE…
There was a girl in our office who would do anything for attention…she went on tv and made a total fool of herself, she lacks dignity and her mouth is disgusting…
The fellow in my office calls her' common dreck.''
And that is what the world is becoming….rather than extraodinary……we are becoming common….and we are also treated accordingly if we are common……….WE ARE NOT VALUED…WE ARE LOSING OUR VALUE AS HUMANS……LOOK AROUND..
touche…
Teach your friend to respect herself…it will be the greatest thing you can ever do……
blessings,
yaffa
I am soaking this in and will respond later as the student.