Help
Sign In
dreams
November 2008 
Tears of Love - What's your experience of 'online' dating...?
yaffie
If you have the potential to see one another currently in reality this will avoid the ' virtual reality' that parades itself as truth and is often so disappointing. Also cupid may be just playing, clicking from one 'love' and one photo to another. Unless you know someone who knows this person and can add credibility to he, she...it is useless and foolish to invest very much of your time or emotions in trying to build a relationship with someone whom you may never meet.
You can get hurt by someone you have never even met, our feelings know no such boundaries...! Such is the case far too often...what's your experience??
Tears of Love
Tears of love, spilling to stain my cheeks,
Like hues of stenciled blue stained glass,
Upon the window of my soul.
Its artists brush, cutting deeply,
To ask if love's sweet
moment of truth has passed.
Sword of truth, a blinding light
In step with lashing rains by night.
The rhythm of this lovers dance,
Devoid of depth...suitors prance.
Why does love aim its arrows?
Curve its bow towards my heart?`
To destroy composure, waste my verve,
Transform me from truth to fraud?
All efforts to love died this double duel.
I gave of myself, gave my all.
While Cupid, he was having a ball.
I pampered, loved, adored, and wooed.
But he left me with my heart tattooed.
Stenciled hues, of red and blue,
Imprimatur on my heart,
Kisses he drew, used like glue,
Blew gaping holes through my heart.
To dim the glow in the window of my soul.
2001©by Yaffa
Access: Public
it works for some! just ask Anna and Gien, now blissfully married and living in South Africa (he is from Vancouver)
Yes, Nicole, I know it does…as long as you have the ability going in to establish everything and know you can meet…that is exactly my point…it must be done with intention…
by the way, did you receive the video i sent you??
don't think so/ when did you send it?
one or two days ago…to nicolesmith@gmail.com
You know my story don't you? Met my Keith online in a writers chatroom at iuniverse. We corresponded from Feb-April and planned to then meet in May in El Paso. I will not go into all the details, as it is somewhat lengthy, but we did not plan to meet in the beginning and fell in love online, and from the day we met, we have been together ever since. We were both not looking for love, and we found it anyway…
“Unless you know someone who knows this person and can add credibility to he, she…it is useless and foolish to invest very much of your time or emotions in trying to build a relationship with someone whom you may never meet. ”
I never knew anyone who knew him. I sent him $500 and a plane ticket sight unseen. The relationship was not sought out. It grew, over time and investment of emotions and truth.
We have been together now 8 years, he is my best friend.
And all my Gaia friends I have met online have been awesome…online is okay. There is a time period you reveal yourself with your authentic purpose and intent. And from there, it is in the hands of the God who resides within us all…
Blessings,
Aley
that's true, Aley… I have found that too… the ones who didn't work out were just online.
Yaffa, that's the wrong email address, which is why I didn't get it. I will email you privately (not a good idea to put our emails on a public site for all to see)
hugs to you both
well aley, my friend you totally totally lucked out!!!!! And Good for you! Now that is Not the way it always works you know that too right? However, I do understand that I have met very very nice people on line that I have never met…I am not so cynical as to be shut down…no…But I have spoken with men for over a year and expected to meet them and we just never met…and that was painful…because yes, you can get so close to someone and then, well, its only 'virtual reality'…you find out he has a girlfriend you didn't know about, so he really isn't available. Of course, they only went back together again over the course of your 'virtual courtship' and since he never spent any time with you in 'reality' then he is not so attached to you as to the woman by his side… NO? Its logical…Maybe you are 5,000 miles away.. Those are the kinds of situations I am talking about…it is so easy to click, click, click , some people act as if they are babies in a candy store, immature people who want to taste everything….just click on to the next one…whoever is closest gets the cigar…maybe.
I have had many experiences since Avi died online. Some disgusting, cause men are often disgusting, I will not go into that…But yaffa is NOT….But I am sure you know that there are predators out there and liars…and yaffa is also not naive…haha…But you never known with whom you are truly speaking…I cringe when I think about the young ones online, who are naive….Again, You DID luck out, and I would love to hear the whole story!! Sounds awesome…write a book!!! Tell us more!
I am also amazed that you didn't see one another on webcam?? NO pictures??
You didn't know what he looked like?? How is that possible??
My late husband and I met over the phone, was a setup, no pics, again, like you, sight unseen..We spoke the first time from approx. 7:30 pm on a saturday night until 6:30 in the morning!! He KNEW that night he is going to marry me! And I knew I loved all of our conversation, all his words and essence, his sweetness, his wisdom and intelligence, he was sooooooo sweet!! My goodness……and if we were attracted to one another, I knew I would marry him. Of course neither of us said that the first conversation out….Two weeks later over the phone he asked me if I thought he was ready to marry me!!! lolol…..I was terrified!!! The way he asked me, I was a bit unsure, and I didn't say anything, there was a long silence, he kind of tricked me in a way…Sight unseen, I am going to say what?? Chemistry is so important to me….I knew all the chemistry, the real chemistry was there, but I had to see him and know that I could be with him in physical reality …Did you not have that doubt??
Now of course since he was recommended to me I had some background about him and felt secure in that respect. But I don't live in a world of 'being way out there'….I wasn't exposed to the internet until after he died…its a different world today…not so safe…so you need to know 'with whom you speak.' that's all i am saying…
Aley, you are a trip!!! God bless you my courageous, risk taking, leibidikke friend. Bite your teeth on that one!!
Means vibrant, lively!! Meet your sister!
blessings
yaffa
Nicole, yes its the ones online i am talking about where you never meet in physical reality, that don't work. of course…But you can still get attached, you know that…
Hello dear one.. I realize I maybe in the minority, yet my brother and a friend of mine also met and married their online loves. So, I am not sure it is so rare. I do agree there are liars out there online, but there are also liars in real life too, and I met my share of them! LOL
My daughter has not been so lucky so she is very cynical and seems to attract men that “prove” her cynicism. I was totally open to it, as I am with most everything (haha) and Keith told his mother after our first online chat that he knew he found his wife! There were many complications we had to work through, but loving each other was not one of them…
We met in the bus station in El Paso. I waited for him to get off the bus from AZ, as he had flown to my brothers home there before me. It was tax season, and I was working 12 hour days, so we had to wait til May.
We stood in the station and embraced. There were people all around us, but we were totally alone. Time stood still. This was vastly different than any other encounter I have ever had in my life. Love was there, all boundaries had been broken in written communication for months, there was me and he. Magic.
I cannot say this could happen to everyone. I think one may need to be a risk taker. Remember, he was unemployed, living with his mother and had no money and a heap of woes from his failed marriage. I had to take on the whole enchilada.
He was and continues to be worth every thing I had to lose, give up and change.
No panacea here, just the truth. And he told me every single thing, no surprises.
:)
Aley!! That is what we call a 'mentsch!!..” a true human being, a real human…no lies, everything on the table…I love it… Actually when I think about it I have one on my list of 'online courters,' lol, just like that. I would have to send him the money to come visit me, or go to israel, one or the other….I don't know him that well yet…and I don't know if I ever will..
But for sure, I would have to take on that whole 'enchilada.” lol…
That's a great story….He sounds so much like my late Avi….they both knew what they wanted!! knew how to go after it, to get it! and keep it!! Knew how to set us up for the chuppah, the marriage canopy….and never stopped giving…wow…!! what a wonderful thing….yep…that is the measure of a man…maybe a woman too?? She chases him till he catches her!! That is the fun, isn't it??
But he must pursue, and HE must know what he wants…why??
cause man is the dominant giver…he gives everything if he loves you – down to his seed does he give, you can't conceive without that seed….we are only the keli, the vessel, the carrier of his affections……..so, he has to know what he wants and to know how to get it, have it, keep it…cause he is the dominant giver and to love is to give..eh?? Love is to give, give, and give, and then to give, give, give and give more….that is the measure of love..
of course,women too give back, buts its giving back, if we are smart we wait to see where a man is holding and what his intentions are…..he is the initatior if he wants , loves you..and once he shows his hand we give back… …unless we are selfish…immature, self centered….yikes! that's pretty ugly!!
Now on a different note, don't you think these words and this conversation are so much more beautiful, so more light and inspiring, so more intelligent and upliftng, form of communication that is so vital more so than all of the aggressive trashy form of 'communication' that the 'cool' 'educated' 'englightened' sophists as well as the uneducated, classless, gutter hypes use?? Do you have any idea what my husband might do if he heard me speak like that? lol…yikes!!! he would say, who is that? where did i pick that up?? lol..how did she get in my house? how does she know me?? Again, I am not a saint, he has heard me say some stuff on certain occasions (which is was a bit surprised by I might add,lol) but its not where I live…not my dominant mode of thought of speech, not everyday conversational tone…
food for thought.??
yes, one can get attached online… sigh… that's the problem i was having last night. but i'll get over it.
There never was a doubt beautful words are better than:
“the aggressive trashy form of 'communication' that the 'cool' 'educated' 'englightened' sophists as well as the uneducated, classless, gutter hypes use??”
but talking about all subjects opens the mind to differing ways of communicating and thinking…and I find that is important when living a a diverse world! And it is not my everyday conversational tone either, as you can see from other blogs I have posted! LOL
I truly believe we need to be open to what the universe, or God has in store for us, and so online relationships are something I embrace. I also teach online courses now, so apparantly this is what I am meant to do, reach out into the virtual web of life.
Bless you!
Aley
You know Nicole, I percepted, (combination of perceived and suspected, lol, I made it up just now, my new word, how's that for 'enlightenment'…..) that about a month ago when you told me that you were going to meet with someone, do you recall? And I left you a message, a hint?? I have gotten attached to so many men over the past 5 years, 'online,' hello?? anyone home?? lol…I don't do it anymore, nope, not unless we plan to meet after x amount of getting to know one another, cause its just not fair to either party and its not 'realistic' it is only virtual reality……..sigh……..especially if they are not close enough to take a ride over to meet in a couple of hours…and even that is difficult, much less across the world………
Altho, a serious man will come across the world. I have met some very nice men from peru, california, israel…yes, again, depends on what is established up front…with me, the bottom line is, can I love this man and is he marriage material……..and that means does he want a serious relationship, is he willing to marry, does he want a wife or does he just want a woman to play house and have on his arm…..and if so, he can go to a different apple, not me, cause I am investing only in the ONE I will build my life with, I know my worth. and you must know yours, no investing online unless you got the facts straight from the beginning, in hebrew we call this 'tachlis' purpose…What is the purpose of our communication, what is the purpose of this investment, what do we want to get out of it? Do I want to invest in a man who is unavailable??? Your answer is empirically and emphatically, NOOOOOO!! Keep your heart and your wits…give it when you know the man is worthy……and worthy of YOU!!
….I think that makes a lot of sense, and I know that isn't the way most of society does it…but that is the smartest way…….go look at the story of woman and apples…on top of my poetry compilation….
Aley you are so right…My point was not to exclude anyone in communication, no…rather this: We need to meet everyone on their level, of course we do…But, that doesn't mean that we become one with them by getting into the same gutter…and reducing our dignity, intelligence or standards…NO< just the OPPOSITE!! We maintain our dignity, integrity and excellent standards in forms of communication, and we 'go down' to meet them at their level – by allowing them initially to communicate with us on their level while
our sole purpose and intent is only to LIFT THEM UP!! So that they learn a better form of communication along with higher levels of thought……we don't go down…no….we remain within reach just a little higher, to allow them to meet us! This is where the growth is….and you know when a person respects someone else, he will rise up to the occasion…they will speak the same english as YOU DO and relate back with a heart of appreciation…What you have done there is rather than LIFT ANYONE UP, basically created a space to allow anyone to vent, to dump, and to perpetuate the raw, crude, ideas, and images of the body and allowed them to degenerate beauty to its lowest possible form….there was no ELEVATION there for anyone, in fact, I am positive you brought some people down I am sure by indoctinating them with the ideas and words….and you my friend are a teacher…YOU my friend teach, but I beleive you can to so much better to LIFT UP>>>…..Evidentally there is something in that for you too….think about that…my friend….I promise you there is a learning there for you…….
Now you know I too am a teacher….
Blessing….
yaffa
Yaffe, Nicole and Aley,
WOW!
Great subject.
I just had to jump in here BECAUSE this is one of my favorite subjects. I have my preferences as we all do. Online dating has been difficult for me. I was afraid of the internet meeting and chat rooms when I first became single after a long marriage.
As a counselor and relationship coach and someone who practices what she teaches, I had to give it a TRY. I was even gifted a membership to one of the expensive online clubs. I did and still do help clients with writing profiles and going over profiles of others with them. Ever thought people take profiles to their counselor? They do.
Many people are serious about their endeavor to find love and happiness with a life partner/mate/companion or what I like to term Beloved. Men can run from that last one, so I try not to say the word around them. LOL Men and women BOTH have nasty habits and different intentions to the entire process. I have witness this myself and clients have had some horrible experiences. Both men and women have unhappy experiences. Unconscious stuff drives behaviours and IF the unconscious stuff becomes conscious, well, the magic begins.
No offense meant ever to anyone here or anywhere, I am with Aley on this subject and support that internal energy and intention (yes, Yaffe mentioned intention too) is paramount to being a magnet to attract the RIGHT fit or right partner. When there is a strong chemistry in attraction, it just works. He can only have eyes for you and She can only have eyes for you. There is a peace in the union that is trusted. Aley was not concerned with the social norms and rules of “don't do this” or “men are like that”. She felt her heart and I believe we can tune inward and feel our heart and the connection there. When we are aware of our inner struggles, disappointments and beliefs because of past wounds, then we become more aware of the possibilities of NEW in a NEW relationship. A different person is experienced NOW. Women think they need a laundry list of expectations and men do too for the Beloved. In love, it is not true. Acceptance is loving.
We certainly all have preferences. Seems like a lot of men prefer blondes. Hey, I have brown hair and I don't let that get me down. I know if I am in alignment with who I am, God and Angels team up with me and assist me in aligning MYSELF for MY right match. Not logical and neither is love. Sorry, can't really brain this one folks because you will mess the entire flow up when you do. We are not responsible for the flow of another and can't make them flow either. If they don't feel it, well, you adjust and align again. YOUR own intention, attention, focus, feelings, thoughts and open Heart make the difference in attracting and being open, also staying open to Love. Love is ALL there IS. Love is Life.
Am I mated up yet? Nope. I teach tele-seminars and one to one coaching in aligning for love. I love it! I am with you Aley, I was meant to do it. Why don't I have a right partner?
I have recently opened to my Beloved and attraction, intention, feelings, thoughts and my beautiful open Heart will bring forth my Beloved. Just don't tell him I call it that okay. LOL
I am opening to the Love that is lasting. None of the New Age stuff. There is a man who if right in alignment with me and he will know it. I have NO doubts.
Opening Heart, setting intention, being open to what God and Angels create with you is very magical. Aley was open and full of joy in her endeavor to ACCEPT love into her life.
Details about money, education, careers and the rest that life throws in there fell into place with love and acceptance. It starts inside.
Scary part for most people is when they open their Heart all the lies inside of the heart come up and there is pain. We love to avoid pain so our mind then begins to protect our personalities to keep us they way we are in what we believe is safe. Being vulnerable and able to accept healing old wounds can be part of the way to love and even while in love. It is not the other who is causing the pain. This is all us. We are accountable for looking deeper into ourselves for the answers and hopefully our loved one will stick around to do it with us. A reciprocal relating is very nice.
Love and Blessings in your search for Love.
LeAnn
Yaffie,
Thanks for opening this blog. Great idea.
I forgot to answer why I was not parntered up yet. I was so busy helping others, caring for growing children who are adults now and in my own fear of being hurt again that I was not in alignment with the Man who is my right partner/Beloved. When I was giving the online dating a try it was just a try. I was not serious even though I thought I was. I had judgments about the men I met and I was afraid they would hurt me. I picke the wrong ones online and made unconscious choices from the internal compass I was using to guide me. I was sabotaging my dating endeavors by teaming up with others who were willing to be there with me. I needed to clear MY disappointment in men. I did not date much at all. My Heart was not open to it.
Blessings,
LeAnn
dear yaffie…i have to agree with you here…that unless the two halves are healthy…it is unlikely they we'll ever make a complete whole…
i had an experience several years ago…where i fell head over heels inlove with what i saw as a beautiful soul…i was convinced that he was my soul mate…that 'God' had brought us together…he was a genuis, and all genuises are a little mad…lol…but i was willing to go to hell and back for this relationship to find its way…
i moved a few thousand miles away; and it was lovely…at first…we almost got married…but the truth is…we were both not well emotionally at the time…and though we wanted the same things…we were too splintered individually to make it work…
having said that, i would not trade the experience for anything…and although it was very painful, i can see where it led me to wholeness within myself…for i soon began my journey of sobriety after that…and have since awakened to a joy i cannot express within my own spirit…
this Universe is unfolding without any help from me…all i have to do is to dance its dance…
much joy to all…star…
How beautiful Starlight.
You go LeAnn…you have some wonderful ideas here and thanks for your openess and communication!
Yaffa:
One of the things I abhor most in life is judgments. I accept people the way they are and for who they are, and for how they present themselves. I am open to others perceptions and in fact, welcome them. I do not always agree with them and follow the dictates of my heart in discerning whether it is something I need to change or not.
I lift up as many people as I can and I also allow them to be who they are without judging them. I have students with blue hair, pierced lips, dirty clothing, and many other things society would deem ” off putting”. I love all those kids. To me words they use, and/or their appearance, does not make them who they are. In fact, there is a wonderful story by Gabriel Marquez, it teaches us all that people who judge another by appearances miss angels unaware.
“What you have done there is rather than LIFT ANYONE UP, basically created a space to allow anyone to vent, to dump, and to perpetuate the raw, crude, ideas, and images of the body and allowed them to degenerate beauty to its lowest possible form….there was no ELEVATION there for anyone, in fact, I am positive you brought some people down I am sure by indoctinating them with the ideas and words….and you my friend are a teacher”
I hope not Yaffa, but you are entitled to your opinion. I just am not pleased there must be judgement. I create a comfortable atmosphere in my classroom, one that accepts all. I do not see it as pulling people down. In fact, there is more discussion about empowerment than in any of my colleagues classes, according to my students.
I am stepping away now from this discussion, as I feel no need to defend my position, to convince anyone of anything is not the way I operate, but I honor your position.
Blessings to all.
thank you ms. abundant…
Aley…you are a priceless, timeless, beauty…you provoke intelligent thought, and inspire others to examine their 'beliefs'…which opens their minds to the potential of their own true nature…freeing them from the traps of their own conditioning…YOU GO GAL!
Where are the tears of love and joy from the Men?
Hmmmmm.
Hey FastDart,
You may be the catalyst.
Blessings
well I had an online experience, where I fell head over heels in love,we both did, and we did meet. It was my first experience with that sort of thing, and I think I was quite naive. By the time we met both of our expectations were so high that only Jesus and Mary could have fulfilled them. It actually did last for a time, and was a very important relationship for me - and now we're still very close - but next time I would be much more careful, and realize that until I meet someone in person,no matter how great the online connection, it remains to be seen if it will translate into human terms. An online love has the potential to start from a very spiritual place, which is lovely, and in that sense, the purely “virtual” phase of that romance was very special, and deeply spiritual, and actually very real. But it still doesn't mean it's going to work once your face to face. You just can't know until you meet. But I think I also learned something that has nothing to do with the online aspect - just about love in general, and the danger of actually loving someone “too much”….
I just started the online dating scene. I'm not 100% into it. So my intention to find someone is weak. I was surprised to hear Aley say she wasn't even looking for love and found it! Any tips for me from those of you who are more experienced?
By the way, what does LOL mean?
Joy,
What a lovely name.
LOL is merely laugh out loud.
I was smiling and adding humor there.
Very interesting conversation! :-)
I met my beloved 5 years ago in a Yahoo chatroom. I had no intentions of even meeting him in person,but he finally asked and I said yes. The moment I met him I wanted to run,but I was told just give him a chance.
I did and we spent some wonderful weekends exploring the city through the len's of our cameras. I told my roommate he was The One and ofcourse my roomie thought I had gone crazy to fall so quickly. I felt that he didn't feel the same so I stopped talking to him for about a month. When I finally did the first thing he typed was I'm calling you right now then asked me to move in with him. :-)
I know the pain of “virtual” relationships and even though we had actually met those old feelings resurfaced for me. Many beings hold onto past experiences and can't/won't allow themselves to experience Love. It rarely has anything to do with the person that they end the relationship with whether online or in person.
This conversation reminds me of something I read in the book Blink the other day. It talked about a speed dating experience where they asked people what they liked in a partner then had them speed date. The person they ended up being attracted to the most was nothing like what they said they wanted in a partner. To me it suggests that many of us don't really have a clue what we want in a partner or we're unwilling to honor what we say we want. Then we wonder why we're sending out mixed signals and not attracting the mate that we truly do desire. Just some food for thought. :-)
I can definitely admit looking back now that I was one of those kinds of people. I said I wanted someone like my beloved only I was always attracted to men that were the complete opposite. So I think it's good to leave out ALL expectations and let your intuition guide you when it comes to finding your partner. Aley is a good example of doing exactly that also because most women I've known wouldn't even think about dating someone that is unemployed and living with their mother. She definitely made a wise choice too because I just know that they've grown together so beautifully. :-)
Joy,
Everyone is always looking for Love often times it's done on an unconscious level because of the element of surprise that we wish to experience when we do find Love.
It makes it that much sweeter! :-) It's like going to the store not wanting to buy a cake,but noticing a beautiful cake for sale. It seems to even taste sweeter because you had no idea you were going to find such a decadent treat. You always wanted the cake,but it's not like you were repeating the mantra I want cake all day long to make sure you found it. You let it find you.
Yaffie,
Wow! That poem has a lot of depth that It may not have had if you hadn't
experienced the pain of online dating. It seems most of us just focused on the blog
itself skipping past the poem. I'm delighted that I took a 2nd peek. :-)
Lisha, lol, You will get to know me and you will know that I am a deep thinker…and much of the time I see things pretty clearly and go directly to the point..lol…sometimes it gets me into trouble!! I was thinking about it today, that's who I am…straight shooter…so, you can always expect deep from me.. I am glad you read the poem, probably most did not!!
.Now fastdart, I wrote the Soiled Madonna for all of my male friends who are constantly picking the wrong women for the wrong reasons and who do much crying too….beleive me..Men do cry….So you can check that out in my poetry collection called soul sounds..
I am going to have dinner now and then I have plans to go to the movies to see Wanted…i will be back later this evening and write more…
For all of you, I can tell you I have always picked good men and know how to have a passionate, stimulating, fun, honest, loyal, trusting, sharing, loving, giving, caring, relationship… so, if you are interested in some tips, about what and how to know – please read my poetry and my blogs about this subject, beleive me, you will find things that you can change to save you heartbreak in the endeavor… I can tell you I have had many, many, marriage proposals; a few engagements……..and I was, (not proud of it) a heartbreaker before I learned what it was I was looking for in a mate. I never did that intentionally, I just kept picking men that were too small, not educated enough or stimulating, because I didn't know who I was yet!! ..and ultimately, I wound up breaking up with them before we married…I will not do that again..
I learned and married appropriately…I stopped breaking hearts…I know it hurt me as much as them….and that is not ok…
My values are all incorporated in my writing, so do feel free to read my poetry, lots about love there and creating relationships and the STUFF to look for…
Aley, I will address your reply later…my friend..
blessings…
yaffa